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Waiting
Hoping
The anticipation is killing me

What will he be like?
Will he look like me?
All sorts of questions, no answers yet

What kind of person is he?
Does he have my sense of humor?
Suspense; my only ally

Will he be a complete opposite of me?
Or an older version of me?
I eagerly await his arrival

Terrible news
Although many know him
I never will

Betrayed by my own family
I become convinced they wish to hurt me
I learn our meeting will never take place

Perhaps they feel
They are trying to protect me
From what? I will never know

For without knowing him
I cannot decide for myself
Whether I wish to have him in my life

Perhaps it is for the best
But my current family
Should not be the one to decide

It should be up to me
But I have no choice in the matter
Not knowing him hurts, but maybe knowing him will also

Perhaps our paths will cross
Someday, somewhere
When I least expect it

When our meeting finally occurs
I have so many questions
Which, maybe, would be better left unasked.

Thirty years
A long time
To not know your father.

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